


Rip Hunter: Disney Princess

by IncendiaGlacies



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Animals, F/M, Fluff, RipFic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 08:02:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19988794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IncendiaGlacies/pseuds/IncendiaGlacies
Summary: “Gideon, why are all these animals following me?”Rip suddenly finds himself with an influx of furry guests and his AI is absolutely no help in solving the problem.





	Rip Hunter: Disney Princess

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DarkShade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkShade/gifts).



> Written for the rarepair swap. Prompt: "Gideon, why are all these *animals* following me?"
> 
> Thanks to ams75 for editing
> 
> Enjoy!

“Captain, I am going to have to ask your friend to leave.”

“My friend?” Rip frowned, he should have been alone. Turning his head, he looked behind him and jumped when he saw a stag standing gracefully behind him and looking at him calmly. “Gideon, why didn’t you tell me I had a-a-an animal on board.”

“Odocoileus virginianus.”

Rip blinked at the ceiling.

“He is a stag, Captain.”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me an animal followed me on board?”

“Odocoileus virginianus,” she corrected, “and I thought you knew.”

“I most certainly did not. Away with you!” Rip waved his hands and shooed the creature away, making it trot off easily. Hopefully, Gideon would take care of the rest and guide the beast out. The last thing he wanted was a roommate.

“Bye Jacob!”

Rip counted backwards from ten. “You named it already?”

“He was quite friendly, a sweet and gentle soul. But he was looking at my circuitry in a way I did not like at all.”

Rip shook his head and headed to his parlour for a drink. Clearly, he needed it.

* * *

Strangely, that was not the only encounter he had with woodland creatures. Rip placed a finger to his comm as he activated it.

“Gideon, is there anything strange in the animal migration and behaviour patterns in this area?”

“None that I can see. Is there any particular reason you’re asking, Captain?”

“Um…” Rip stared wide-eyed at the scurry of squirrels currently attacking the anachronistic weapon in the forest. Squirrels were solitary creatures, they shouldn’t have been together to begin with, let alone at the one time and place Rip needed help. “No reason, I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“You don’t sound wholly convinced, Captain.”

“Never mind, Gideon.” Rip took a few steps back. “Just ready the ship. Our mission is complete.”

Perhaps he should spend some time away from the forests for once.

* * *

“Crows, bloody crows!”

“I believe it would be called a murder of crows,” Gideon said cheerfully.

Rip glared at the avatar and took another swig of his drink. “I could have died.”

“Death by a murder of crows.”

“Could you please stop acting so happy about it? I’m starting to think you don’t like me.”

“I suppose you’re entertaining enough.”

“Gideon, be serious.”

“I don’t see what the problem is, Captain. They did not attack you.”

“No, they didn’t.” Rip took a seat in his chair, wiping the condensation off his glass. “They never attack me.”

“Pardon?”

“I am simply commenting on the strange behaviours of animals on our last few missions.”

“Captain, I assure you I am more than capable of analyzing the previous missions and find no patterns of strange behaviour.”

“You’re not looking hard enough.”

“Excuse me?” she said icily.

Rip gulped, knowing he had said the wrong thing. “What I mean is-”

“Good day, Captain.”

Gideon turned off her avatar. And then the lights. And then the heating. Rip groaned and hung his head back, she always did know how to hold a grudge.

“Now would be a very good time to have a dragon come on board, I’m just saying!” he yelled at the universe at large.

Whatever spirit or cosmic being had it out for him this time didn’t seem to care and took great pride in laughing at him. As always.

* * *

“Where are all these rabbits coming from? There were only two yesterday!”

“Actually, Captain, rabbits tend to procreate rather quickly and it has been longer than twenty-four hours since the pair has been on board and as it is mating season and the female was already pregnant I believe-“

“I don’t want the biology lesson, Gideon. I just want them off my ship. Now.”

“But look at its little fluffy cotton tail!”

“Now!”

* * *

“Bloody beaver! Completely ruined the furniture I have.”

“I think the bite marks in the wood make it look more authentic.”

Rip glared at the ceiling. “You would. Aren’t you supposed to be able to close and lock all doors?”

“Yes.”

He counted to ten. “Then why didn’t you?”

“I thought it was cute.”

* * *

“This is just getting ridiculous.”

“Well he did take a bullet for you, it’s only fair you give him your bed,” Gideon said primly.

Rip glared at the ceiling. “Not what I meant.” He turned his gaze back to the brown bear sleeping on his bed.

“He looks rather huggable.”

“He is not some teddy bear, Gideon! This is an actual bear. Bloody hell, I have a bear sleeping in my bed.” He collapsed in the chair and rubbed his temples. When did this become his life?

“He’s like Goldilocks.”

“Excuse me?” Rip’s voice was muffled from where his hands were covering his face.

“Goldilocks. It is an old fairytale in which a young girl breaks into a house and uses all the family’s belongings until she finds the perfect fit for her.”

“What does this have to do with a bear sleeping in my bed?”

“The house belonged to a family of bears. Did I not mention that part?”

“No, Gideon. You seemed to have skipped over it. Your story-telling could use some finesse.”

“Do you want cold showers for the rest of the month?”

“No, Gideon.”

“Then don’t be rude.”

“Yes, Gideon.”

“I was merely pointing out that the bear seems to have found its perfect spot in your home just as Goldilocks did. It’s a nice bit of symmetry, don’t you think?”

“Sure,” he muttered. Slowly, he got up and circled his bed, trying to find something to prod the bear with. It simply could not stay here.

“Captain, don’t be an idiot. Hasn’t anyone ever told you not to poke a sleeping bear?”

“When have I ever done as I’m told?”

“That much is true. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Rip didn’t have to. After the bear had woken up and growled, only barely calming down when it noticed Rip and finally got off the ship, Gideon happily crowed on with her ‘I told you so’s. She really did love being right.

* * *

“Gideon, why are all these animals following me?” Rip demanded as he stared at the litter of cats currently surrounding him on the bridge. He thought they might be bowing but it couldn’t be right, they always thought of themselves as the superior creature.

“Perhaps they think you’re their new leader and are going to bring them into a new Age of Enlightenment.”

One of these days, Rip was really going to take a look at her personality matrix and fix the sass on her. It was a little too much.

“Gideon, would you please be serious for once?”

“Did you cross paths with an ill-tempered witch? Perhaps she put a curse on you. I can always give Mr. Constantine a ring and see if he’s willing to help.”

“Absolutely not, I refuse to talk to the man!” Rip waved off the idea. “After the last mess he got us in with the sea serpent, I’m not asking him for help.”

“Very well. He did smoke on my ship and would not stop flirting with you.”

“Exactly he’s-wait, what? He was flirting with me?” Rip felt his cheeks grow hot at the thought.

“Yes. Didn’t you notice? He was fairly obvious about it.”

Rip cleared his throat. “No, no, I didn’t notice. How can you be sure? How do you even know?”

“I analyzed his speech patterns, heart rate, pupil dilation and compared it to known media information on the subject of love and lust.”

“You’ve been watching romcoms again?”

“And online pornography. I did have a question on the latest video I watched.”

Rip wanted to melt into a puddle. He was fairly certain he would spontaneously combust with how much his cheeks were burning up. “Well, I’m not answering your questions.”

“My question is on the physical nature of the act and whether it is really possible to be so flexible as to maintain the perplexing position for so long. If you like, I can project the image or play the video for you so you can better understand-”

“Gideon! No! And I thought I told you to stop watching those things?”

“Why not? They are a good source of insight on human interaction and communication. And-”

“They’re not real. Making love is nothing like that.”

“What’s it like then?” she asked softly.

Rip had never heard that tone of voice before. Curious and sincere and innocent. “However I explained it, I wouldn’t do it justice,” he said honestly. “Now can we please focus on my animal problem?” He picked up the cat and stopped it from scratching up Gideon’s console.

“I see no problem. Why can’t we keep them? They’re so cute.”

“Gideon, we have been over this. We are not getting a pet just because you find them all cute. It is too much responsibility and you are not ready for it.”

“I would take excellent care of a pet.”

She had no body to do so. “Until then, can we please figure out why they seem so attracted to me?”

“Maybe they’re all in love with you,” she said easily as the cat started licking his face.

“Gideon, be serious.”

“I am being serious, Captain. What about my statement is so outlandish? You are a very loveable man. I would know.”

Sometimes Gideon said things that made Rip think he wasn’t just imagining the closeness of their relationship. That maybe he wasn’t absolutely insane for being in love with his supercomputer. For the most part, he tried not to think of it and he certainly didn’t mention it to her. If she wanted to talk about it she could have just brought up any one of his dreams featuring her (of which there were many) and discussed the topic with him. She never did. Which meant she did not feel the same.

“Are you doing this? Causing all the animals to follow me around?”

“Yes, Captain, because we all know that I can control the animals with a single thought and I thought it would be hilarious to have them follow you around. Brilliant deduction.”

He would have to take a look at her speech patterns as well and dial down the sarcasm.

“I wouldn’t put it past you. You are very creative with your methods of torture.”

“Why, thank you, Captain!” she said happily. “I’m glad you’ve noticed.”

He laughed softly. “With all the time and effort you put into it, Gideon? Always.”

* * *

“Maybe it’s not as bad a thing as you think, Captain?”

“Hmm?” Rip didn’t look up from the spell book as he turned the page. Whatever this was, it must have been magic. He’d had Gideon check her systems and there was no signal communicating with the animals. He had even agreed to visit the medbay and Gideon had found no pheromones given off by him that would attract all these animals.

“The animals. What exactly did they do that was so wrong? They’re harmless at worst and helpful at best.”

“The problem is they don’t belong here, Gideon.” He stared at the snake curled up under his desk lamp, the owl perched on his globe, and the birds that had sung him to sleep the night before now flying about the bridge.

“Maybe they just want a home. Maybe they just want love.”

“Well this is not the place for them to get either of those.”

“It could be. What’s wrong with wanting to belong, wanting a family?”

Rip paused, looking up at her words. “Nothing, Gideon. But you know as well as I do that this is not their home. I’m sorry but they can’t stay. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Captain,” she said sadly.

“Thank you, Gideon. Now do you have any idea where we might find _Anne Hodge’s Book of Mischief and Magic for the Midnight Witching Hours_? There’s a reference in here to it and I want to be sure – Gideon? Is that a chimpanzee sweeping the floor?”

“Yes, Captain, it is.”

“Why?”

“You were being lazy, the floors needed sweeping, and Gerald was willing to help.”

Rip blinked and turned back to the spell book. “Just because you name them all doesn’t mean we’re keeping them,” he muttered.

“Of course, Captain. Whatever you say, Captain.”

Sometime Rip thought Gideon called him Captain just to humour him and not because she really meant it.

* * *

“Captain, watch out!”

The words came too late and the bullet hit Rip’s middle. He yelled in pain as his body crumbled to the forest floor, red blossoming through the layers of clothing. His breathing grew shallow as he struggled to remain conscious.

“Captain, you need to come back to the ship. Please!”

Gideon sounded panicked, she sounded worried. Rip wasn’t entirely sure why. But he knew he was feeling cold. Strange, his duster usually kept him warm enough. His side hurt. A lot.

“Gideon,” he whispered, “I lo-”

“You arse! Don’t you dare say that because you think you’re dying! You are not dying on me, Captain!”

“You have such a beautiful voice. Will you sing to me?”

His eyes flickered shut and the last thing he saw was a streak of orange darting towards him.

* * *

Rip woke up in a forest, listening to a lovely voice singing to him. He groaned lowly and turned his head, burying his head against the soft pillow he was laying on. The voice chuckled.

“Are you awake, Captain?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“You’re annoying, Gideon, have I mentioned that?”

“Once or twice. Sit up for me, I need to examine you.”

With a huff, he slowly sat up, head still hurting as he took in her beauty. She was exactly as he remembered from his many dreams. Chestnut waves of hair, striking cheekbones, and the most stunning pair of grey eyes he had ever seen.

“Where am I?” This couldn’t be real. Rip knew that no matter how much he wanted her to be real, human rather, she wasn’t.

“We’re in your mind,” she murmured, fingers brushing his face as she looked him over. “Currently you are in the medbay, healing. Your mind finally became conscious so I am running a brain scan. You seem to be communicating fine so everything seems in order. I’ll need you to do twelve jumping jacks so I can monitor your neural to synaptic motor muscle responses.”

Rip gave her an incredulous look.

“Now please, Captain.”

With another sigh of annoyance he stood up and did as she said. “Why are we in the forest?” he asked.

“Not sure. Your mind decided, I merely followed.” As he finished she beckoned him over. “That’s enough. Your vitals look good. I shall begin the wake up procedure now.”

“Wait,” he got to his knees beside her and cupped her face, “how often do we just get to see each other? Talk like this, touch like this? I could stay for a little bit.”

“That’s entirely up to you, Captain,” she murmured, placing her hand over his and leaning into it.

She was so beautiful. Rip swallowed and leaned in…

“Wait, Gideon, how did I get in the medbay?”

She grinned. “I got a little help. I think I have finally figured out your animal problem, Captain Hunter.”

“My animal problem?”

“Yes, all the woodland creatures that insist on following you around. I don’t know why it took me so long to figure out. _Snow White_ is after all one of my favourite movies.”

“Gideon, what have we said about being clear and concise to the point?”

“My apologies, Captain Hunter. What I mean to say is, you are a certifiable Disney Princess.”

Rip blinked. “Excuse me?”

“You’re a Disney Princess, Rip. All the animals following you around and being helpful, outwitting the Time Pirates, you are the only one able to wield the magical Spear of Destiny. You’re a princess.”

“You’ve gone mad. Or dysfunctional.”

“There’s no reason to resort to such harsh language!” Gideon looked away.

Rip turned contrite and brushed her arm. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. Of course you’re working properly. But a princess? That does seem a little outlandish, don’t you think?”

“Captain, you’re currently in a coma no longer medically induced. It is clearly a magical sleep and I have watched enough movies to know how this ends.”

“How is that exactly?”

“You wake with True Love’s Kiss.”

She looked so sincere about it, Rip couldn’t even laugh at her. “Well, that’s just bloody brilliant then, isn’t it?”

“Excuse me, Captain?”

“I’ll never wake up now! How are we going to find my True Love and get them to kiss me?”

Gideon stared at him strangely. “Don’t I get a try first?”

Rip gave her a wry smile. “You’d have to be in love with me for it to work, Gideon.”

“But I am in love with you, Captain.”

Rip’s heart spiked. He knew because he felt it and because the forest around them shook. “You are? But-but-you never said-”

“I thought it was rather obvious. And I thought you loved me too.” Gideon looked very distraught suddenly.

Rip reached over and took her hands in his. “I do. I am. I love you, Gideon, very much.”

She smiled then and cupped his cheek. “In that case, Rip Hunter, my fair Captain, damsel in distress, beautiful princess, will you allow me to be your prince charming, knight in shining armor, and give you true love’s kiss to wake you?”

He laughed softly and nodded. “On one condition.”

She frowned. “What’s that?”

“You visit me in my dreams.”

Gideon smiled and leaned in, pressing her lips against his and sealing his fate with a sweet, gentle kiss.

* * *

Rip woke up in the medbay and for once he wasn’t alone.

“Gideon?” he called softly.

“I’m here, Captain.”

“What are all these animals doing here?”

There was a fox lying on the ground, two rabbits hopping around, a cluster of birds flying in the corner, a chipmunk holding onto some nuts, and a deer guarding the door.

“I told you, I had help. Lucy is currently on the bridge making sure we stay on course.”

“Lucy?”

“She’s a wolf. Obviously.”

“Obviously,” he repeated dumbly. “Gideon, you know they can’t stay, don’t you?”

“So you’ve said, Captain.”

“They’re not staying.”

“As we’ve seen, they’ll do as you ask. When you’re ready, simply ask them to leave. But I would prefer it if you waited until after Charlie and Rose are finished cleaning the galley. For a squirrel and a beaver they do a remarkable job tidying up.”

Rip’s head hurt and he wasn’t sure if it was because he had been shot recently or because his AI girlfriend was befriending woodland creatures so easily. Probably the latter, it usually was.

“Fine, only until after they clean up,” he allowed. “I think I’ll get some sleep in the meantime.” And hope he was still imagining the animals.

“A sound idea.”

“Will I be seeing you?” he asked hopefully.

“Do you want to?”

“Yes.”

“Then close your eyes, I’ll see you soon, my sleeping beauty.”


End file.
